The tale of the very uncomfortable situation in the ladies' room.

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh!

So I could go two ways with this story, either get straight to the point about my 'wonderful' visit to the ladies room, OR tell you about the events that led up to it. I think I shall opt for the second as I love to long everything out!

    It started around 6.15pm, most of the family were gathered around the TV watching Come Dine With Me, one of the best shows I've ever seen, when mum brings up the topic of dinner. Long story short, we decided to go out. So we all run upstairs to pray Maghrib and get dressed, & I start to have some serious problems with my hijab. It just would NOT sit on my head, it kept slipping this way and that way. You would think it would be because of the material, but nah, this was your regular pashmina, known for its sturdiness. So i start to tighten it more under my chin because it seemed the looser it was the more it would slip. It got to a point where it was so tight the sides of my cheeks were popping out giving me the 'chipmunk' look. Hot. Mum, meanwhile was shouting at us to get downstairs, so I loosened it slightly and did my signature folding at the top of my scarf (rather messily) and dashed out.

   We arrived at a restaurant called Red Chilli, it looked amazing from the outside. We walked in (blindly as you'll come to realise in a minute) and sat down at the table. After opening up the menu we realised it was just standard desi food and not Thai as was advertised outside. We did a quick sweep of the restaurant with our eyes, (obviously) & realised that alcohol was being served... At the front door where we'd just walked in! Big no. So we call over the waiter, at this point all of us with our heads down ('cos let’s face it, it's always embarrassing to get up & walk out 2 minutes after you've been seated, you know everyone is gunna be staring at you). Mum gave one of her motherly smiles to the young waiter and explained that we could no longer stay & apologised. We all jumped up like bullets were about to be fired from under our seats and almost ran for the door with about as much dignity & grace as a herd of cows, although in retrospect the way we exited probably drew even more attention than if we'd walked out properly. Once we got into the car, mum tried to blend it in the way she always does, pretending as though she wasn't embarrassed and we were all overreacting to the situation. From what I can remember though, I'm pretty sure she ran the fastest.

   So then we travelled back down the main road & decided to go to Cafe Akbar’s, which tbh we should have thought about going to in the first place, 'cos that's the only place we ever go. We always end up at other restaurants first, & then turn the car around and end up at Cafe Akbar’s. Everytime. Without fail. I'm not kidding.

    Us kids & gran walked in first while mum parked up & what I believed to be the manager came up to us. He asked us to follow him, so I quietly told my brothers & gran to follow him, but they didn't clock on & were just sat there like wax dummies. Beautiful, beautiful wax dummies I may add, with their mouths hanging open with an expression of what can only be described as confusion mixed with 'you're a freak api, stop talking to us'. The manager turned around & gave me a look as if to say 'are you coming or do you want me to carry you there? ‘(Which I have no idea how he would do, unless he had a forklift in the back of the restaurant no-one was aware of). So I turned to my family again and said 'come on guys!', at this point I'm hovering in a weird position. Left leg drawn towards the manager, right leg being pulled like an invisible magnet to my family & I was caught doing an awkward hop dance from left to right 'cos I wasn't sure what to do. Follow the manager and leave my family stranded 'cos they all of a sudden lost hearing, or wait with my family & have the manager carry me & my family to the table? Finally they clocked on & we were seated. Not an awkward situation at all.

   Ok so now the whole point of this wonderful story! We finished dinner about an hour and a half after arriving & I could feel my scarf slipping from my head & from the stares I was getting from people I could only imagine that I looked like a clown with a lopsided face due to the positioning of my hijab. I quickly excused myself & headed for the ladies. Once I was in I was completely relieved to find that it was empty, 'cos the ladies isn't a very big space & you feel like you're treading on peoples toes if there's more than 2 people in there at a time. Hijab pins in mouth, I take off my hijab & begin to reposition it when all of a sudden 2 girls walk in. Noo. I feel uncomfortable when I'm fixing my scarf & there's someone else there, 'cos I get paranoid & think they might be staring at me. Thankfully one of the girls went into the toilets so there was just enough space for us two ladies to fix our scarves, & one less person to get paranoid over. But nope, she wasn't fixing her scarf; rather she was taking pictures of herself in the mirror. Gah, my worst nightmare! Whilst all this was going on, her & her ultra-hip lady friend *please note the sarcasm*, who was sat on the toilet, were gossiping about a girl at their table. I tried my best to keep my lips sealed as I found out that the girl taking pictures of herself was in fact the host of the party.. I felt so uncomfortable about what was being said that I tried to rush putting on my hijab. This tactic failed & it took longer because I messed it up rushing. I was battling with my thoughts as to whether or not I should shut the two girls up & teach them to not say such horrific things about a person, or just keep my mouth shut but I didn't feel like arguing with the two girls. Her lady friend then emerged & decided to join her friend in taking a picture. Woo, what class. The whole time I was thinking (whilst also rushing to fix the slipping hijab), 'please don't get me in shot. I know people in Bradford & I know this will be placed on your Facebook as a profile picture. My dignity is on the line. PLEASE DO NOT GET ME IN SHOT SISTER!! I think she got me in shot.